Mommy (hereinafter SMM or Sergeant Major Mommy) comes to me and tells me that is my responsibility to plan the boys’ birthday party this year. I suppose it would have been easier if she said it was my responsibility to find Jimmy Hoffa.
In previous years, the boys have celebrated their birthday by huge and extravagant parties which lasted days, cost thousands of dollars and involved more than 132, 000 people. Sending out the invitations alone took almost a year.
But now, I (me, moi, numero uno, big daddy, Mr. Right) have a week.
The first thing I need to do is hire a concierge. After all, she can’t really expect me to do all of the planning, coordination, decorating, guest management, gift buying, label printing, envelope stuffing, food preparation and chauffeuring all by myself, can she??? Even SMM has a heart.
Check that, the first thing I need to do is plan the location, of course. Where is it going to be this year? All they’ve been asking for is an elephant ride. Unfortunately, a safari in Kenya is out of the question. I can’t get the time off work.
No, no, no, the first thing I need to do is take a break, get something to eat and take a nap. SMM will surely let me eat something.
Oh ok, it’s the boys, gotta take care of the little buggers first, don’t I?
The real first thing I need to do is read my emails, check my Twitter account, update my Facebook page, edit my blog, then take out the trash, clean the kitchen, put the laundry in the dryer, clean the boys’ room, mow the front yard, trim the hedges, paint the garage door, put the dishes in the dishwasher, sweep the dining room, pay the bills, balance my checkbook, make all the beds, go to the grocery, drop off my shirts at the cleaners, dispose of the old TV, solve world hunger and of course, then, finally, solve my own hunger.
About this time SMM calls and ask me how it’s going and how far I’ve gotten. I tell her that I’ve had to take care of a few things first, but that I am well on my way to solving the Birthday Party riddle and that it will be done before she gets home. Luckily, it is my day off and I am now primed and ready to tackle the assignment since all my chore prerequisites are taken care of.
But, where do I start? Oh yeah, the checkbook. Well, this year has been a tough one financially since we’ve spent extra money on Archibald’s tutoring and daddy hasn’t done so well on his fantasy football only because Joe Namath is not interested in playing football anymore since he retired thirty years ago. Ugh!
That’s ok. We can still have fun and be together as a family and have some friends meet us somewhere, even if it is only local corner grocery where we can share some big mouth slushees.
Finally, the first thing I need to do is check the finances. Done. Check. No finances, but now I know.
The SECOND thing I need to do is…. eat. All of this planning has really helped me work up an appetite.
The second second thing I need to do is sleep. I’m tired.
Well, it’s now almost two weeks later and Daddy failed miserably in the task he was assigned. Ok, maybe it was not failed miserably in the execution of the birthday festivities, but it was horrendous in the planning.
On the day, SMM and moi were very tired and the little buggers were more than happy to go to that place that serves cheezy pizza and has a million thousand pinball and video games. Of course, we had to take Grandma (Gma) who wanted to attend and help the boys celebrate. The boys loved it and so did Gma interestingly enough.
Gma’s birthday is only in three weeks and we now what she likes and, of course, the boys would like help her celebrate. It seems my planning for Gma’s bday is a lot easier. Now, I can have a snack and lay down for a few minutes to “rest my eyes”.