DaddyisBest

My article was published on MyTownTutors website. Here is the link: https://www.mytowntutors.com/parenting-advice-value-time-energy-and-money/

“The past cannot be cured.” 

Elizabeth I

“I am definitely going to take a course on time management… just as soon as I can work it into my schedule.”

Louis E. Boone

At what point, or more accurately – at what time, did I move from “I want to spend as much time with my kids as possible” TO “omg, how much longer do I have to spend with my kids”?

Isn’t that the essence of parenting?

That’s exactly why I believe the whole concept of “balance” in life is worse than a misnomer, it is bs. 

Nobody wants balance.  Everybody wants to spend more time with their kids and, by extension, their families, including spouses.  But, I believe there are limits to that too.  Yes, yes, I know, everybody loves their spouse, at least for a few hours a day, but everybody also loves their own independence, men and women. 

I also don’t believe that people really, really love their jobs.  I suppose there are some who do.  That’s ok.  God bless them.  Most of the people I’ve met, probably in the hundreds, only work cause they/we have to and their job doesn’t suck too bad and they can stand it enough to make money to buy their families and their selves some leisure and luxury time.

Ok, let’s review, where are we?

Kids. Parenting. Families. Work. Time. Happiness.

Here are three things to keep in mind when examining how to capitalize on the three great resources in life – time, energy and money – to spend on those things which really matter in life – kids, families and work to gain that thing called happiness.

First first, aka prelude, let me apologize. I’m sorry I included ‘work’ in the above list.   It is definitely debatable how “important” work is in the overall scheme of life.  However, based on my intense research and fatigable self-discovery, work takes up a major portion of our lives. Hence, its place on the list.  More on this later. 

Ok this is the real first, kids. I have twin boys.  Make no mistake about it.  Twins are a game – and life – changer.  I love my boys.  I would do almost anything for them.  Well, anything besides share my last piece of chocolate with them, but most everything else.  However, raising them has taken every – and I mean every – single second of time, ounce of energy and scrap of money to raise them.  I really and truly don’t know how we, yes we, did it. 

Understand that it has been a joint effort, yea teamwork, in every area.   Yes, I have been involved in everything since the beginning, from changing dirty poo-poo blowout diapers to being thrown-up upon at first haircut to doctor’s appointments and school recitals and baseball games, etc., etc., etc.  I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  I don’t understand other dads not getting involved. But, for twins, it was and is a necessity and never has been questioned. 

Nevertheless, I have needed some downtime, too, as did/does Mommy.  Plus, we do occasionally have other responsibilities like work, or cleaning the house, maintaining the yard, shoveling the show or fixing the car or taking care of grandma (wife’s mother who lives with us and is just shy of 80,000 years old).

The key is that the kid’s activities come first in everything we do. Mommy and I communicate constantly on what each of the little buggers need and who will be available to provide it for them.  We do this daily, weekly, monthly.  Taking care of the kids needs is always first priority. 

However, there are competing priorities sometimes, which segues into the Family part of the life trilogy. 

Maybe the term priorities is an exaggeration. You decide.

Mommy has to work.  Daddy has to work.  The car needs an inspection, brakes, looked at, replaced.  One boy has a recital and the other has homework due tomorrow.  Mommy doesn’t feel well.  Daddy’s working three jobs and needs a nap. 

What are we going to do for dinner?  Let’s do something together.  Everybody has a day off, let’s go somewhere, with an educational setting preferably. 

Choices. Decisions. Compromises. How well we negotiate the three resources determines the extent of satisfaction, or happiness, we feel on the three areas of life.  Nobody bats 1000%.  But, that’s ok as long as nobody feels overwhelmed all the time. Perspective and peace.  And everybody feels satisfied at least most of the time.  

Which brings up the third major area – work.  I’ve had a couple of different jobs while my boys have been here.  And yes, there have been times I’ve worked at three different jobs and sometimes even 7 days a week.  Twins tend to eat up all of the resources at an alarming and abundant rate. 

If you are one of the people who has a job you love including an accommodating boss and interesting and fulfilling work with a reasonable commute and good salary, good for you. Cherish it.

If not, you have some work to do and decisions to make and perhaps compromises to be negotiated.  I have been, unfortunately, in the position in which one of the above employment qualities has been somewhat less than stellar.  My employment struggles have definitely impacted my consciousness and probably affected all my relationships, though I do try purposefully to avoid that. 

In the end, the human barometer for all of the above is your own happiness.  I do not believe it is all that mysterious of a concept.  If you are not happy with something in your life, then you must change that thing or find peace with the way it is.  Your happiness is your decision and your choice, or choice and decision, if you prefer. 

What will you do to leverage those three great resources in life – time, energy and money – to spend more time with you kids and family and acquire that soul-satisfying happiness which feeds you?  What choices, decisions and compromises will you make, will you require others to make, to get there? 

Will you get everything? Of course not.  Nobody does.  Life is hard.  I believe that everything we are going through today has been encountered before, at least on a certain level.  Do you really think the people during the Enlightenment period said, “We don’t have running water yet, but at least we’re out of the Dark Ages!”

Don’t agree? That’s ok. Don’t call me.  Don’t text me.  I don’t care. I’m busy. I’m fighting my own battles and negotiating my own compromises on the journey to happiness.  I’ll look for you there. 

When I researched outdoor TVs, I did all my Internet research and I talked with people who would had either purchased one or were looking to purchase an #OutdoorTV or a TV that could be used indoors or outdoors. 

I quickly learned that using a TV that was designed for indoor use cannot and should not be used outdoors.  The weather would quickly decimate the picture and/or the television. 

Nevertheless, there was (and is) only one real choice: SunBrite! 

In fact, all of the customers raved about their SunBrite TVs!  People placed their televisions on a covered patio or screened in porch. 

Therefore, if you are looking to embellish your outdoor space and activities, the Veranda Series of SunBrite TVs is ready to make your dream a reality.  Watching TV outside is fun whether you want to host a fun family movie night outside or watch the big game with your peeps and homies. 

Now, the best seat in the house is outside!

The Veranda Series of SunBriteTVs are designed specifically for outdoor use. They are engineered to survive just about any climate in North America, resisting the harsh effects of rain, snow, dust, insects, and extreme temperatures.  #AllWeatherTV

Technically, Veranda comes standard with a direct-lit 4K UHD screen with HDR, which is up to 50% brighter than indoor TVs for improved viewing in brighter outdoor environments. It’s more durable, safer, and a better experience that using an indoor TV outdoors.

The television comes in four sizes: 43”, 55”, 65” and 75”.  

For even more info and technical specs:

Check out @SunBriteTV at:

Facebook: @SunBriteTV

Twitter: @SunBriteTV

Website: http://www.SunBriteTV.com

They are sold at: @BestBuy

#ad

I read childrens’ books.  I used to read them to my sons.  Well, let me clarify that.  I still read to them, but as they’ve gotten older, their tastes have changed naturally.  I no longer read childrens’ picture books to them.  Now that I’m a childrens’ book writer (primarily chapter books), I still read a lot of childrens’ books of all types, including picture books.

Anyway, I just read “Anthill for Sale” by the very talented Johnny Ray Moore, illustrated by the gifted  Zuzana Svobodova and  published by the award-winning publisher of children’s picture books, Big Belly Book Co.  

In a word, delightful!  I really liked it.  Even though it is a picture book, it has a very sweet story with a message to it.  The illustrations complemented the story brilliantly.   The story had many interesting and diverse characters so it was entertaining.

“Anthill for Sale” is about an ant called Alvin who decides to sell the family home, an anthill

However, Alvin’s family home is filled with fond memories.  He has a list of potential buyers, but the only problem is that they want to change everything about Alvin’s home.

After remembering all the good memories Alvin and his family have had in the Anthill, Alvin has a change of heart and now must convince his wife that this is still the perfect home for them.  

You can buy this book now at Big Belly Book Co’s website (with a 10% discount now through the end of November 2018) by clicking here: Big Belly Book Co.

Or through Amazon: Anthill for Sale on Amazon

Enjoy!

Jeff

@DaddyisBest

This was my submission to the Erma Bombeck’s Writer’s Competition a couple of months ago. 

The other day I was driving to work. It was 8:30 in the morning. I had to be there at 9.

Fortunately, it was not precipitating or the situation would have gotten exponentially worse as the drivers in Rockland County SHUT DOWN mentally, emotionally AND spiritually when it rain or snows. They don’t just drive cautiously. They drive as if the world is ending with each raindrop or snowflake and they had better be prepared to live in their cars for six months.

Well, that’s the people (and vehicles) in front of me. The people behind me believed just the opposite of the people in front of me and wanted to go much faster to get to their destinations.

Of the vehicles in front of me, two were school buses. Then there were (in order) a semi truck, a tank, a steamroller and a horse-drawn carriage and a dozen or so cars.   I wonder if the buses were CBing the trucks saying, “Hey, we got ourselves a convoy.

The problem was not with the stopping really. It was the re-starting of the vehicles into motion. So what should have been a steady progress toward my work was, in fact, a crawl. Snails laughed and waved as they passed me.

I had not eaten breakfast that particular morning. So, I thought I would stop and get something to eat in the final minutes of my journey before getting to work. I stop into the local 7-11 to discover they did not have a delivery the night before of apple fritters. If the convoy wasn’t the end of the world, this was.

I hurry back to my car and drive to a bagel store and order a bagel with egg and bacon. Somehow the news of the impending apocalypse preceded me to the location and just when the server was going to put it into the oven, the oven caught fire somehow and started smoking. I tried to rationalize with it and say it’s hard to quit smoking once you start, but the oven wouldn’t listen. I grabbed the cold bagel with egg and bacon out of the server’s hands and ran to the car.

Fortunately, the store was only 30 yards from the parking lot of my employer. Unfortunately, the busses and trucks seemed to have turned around and were heading in the opposite direction. Getting out of the parking lot took almost five minutes which is like eternity when you’re on your way to work.

But, it did give me time to eat my cold bagel with egg and bacon.

I arrived at work at 8:59am and then I had to wait for my boss to show up.

The new App for Android, that is.

I have an older droid phone.  Older meaning at least three years old which translates into dinosaur age for technology.  But, wouldn’t you know it?  I downloaded the new App with ease!!  In technical terms, easy peasy!!!

You can check out all the cool stuff with goHappy on my blog post here:

The Perfect App for Playdates – goHappy

It will tell you the amazing things you can do with Go Happy to not only to keep in touch with loved ones, but also schedule time with them!

You can download the new App for Android here:

GoHappy App for Android

Let’s look at the process a little bit.

Download the App.  You are probably already familiar with the process of how to do that.  If not, go to Google Store on your phone and hit the download button on the link.  You must have a 4.1 operating system or better to do this.  But, you probably do if you’ve bought your phone in the past several years.  If you don’t have that operating system, the download will prompt you.  In which case your first step is to get a new phone!  (I’m not preaching here since I have an “older” phone:)

Once the app is downloaded, it will prompt with you on what you want to do, or more accurately it will say, What do you want to do?  Choose a plan, share a moment, etc.

You can upload pictures, schedule a playdate or enter important birthdays, anniversaries, etc.  It’s as simple and easy as that!

And the good news is that the App is available today!!!  It’s been months in preparation and today is the day.

So, what are you waiting for?

Find the time.  Share the fun. 

*SponsoredPost*

I have a Love/Hate relationship with buying cars. I love having a new (to me) car, but I hate the process of buying them.

I have owned 6 in my life and have bought them from both dealers and individuals. For the record, dealing with individuals is generally easier, but dealers offer financing, trade in and servicing capabilities which may be needed.

There is no “best” way to buy a car and everyone has different needs. But, there are 3 things to keep in mind when buying a car. I’ve used these 3 steps to buy my cars.

Do Your Research – When I was a salesman, I could usually tell the difference between people who had researched the products I was selling and those who didn’t. Sometimes, they tested me on my knowledge and personability to buy something from me. That’s ok, that was just part of the job as I saw it.

However, sometimes people did not have all the correct information from whatever source they were using to do their research. The Internet is great, but be cautious with any information you receive. It may not be totally factual or up-to-date. Also, be weary of customer reviews and/or consumer periodicals or magazines on the Internet. Everybody has an opinion and I always advised my customers that everybody has a reason for sharing their opinions and sometimes that reason is motivated by money. Don’t believe that other people are looking out for your own good.

Nevertheless, it is important to scan the Internet to get a wide variety of opinions and information. Plus, it is as vitally important to talk to real people. Talk to people who work in the business or have worked in the business of selling or buying cars. They could share some insights you may have missed. Bottom line: Better to be prepared, as much as possible of course, than not.

 my car

Take Your Time – Unless your car breaks down and you need a car immediately, take your time buying a car. When my friend’s car died and she needed a car right away, she called a dealer (who was the husband of a friend of hers) and she got a car. It was a good car, but maybe not the one she would have purchased if she was not in dire need.

If you are thinking a getting a new, or another, car, start right away. Start researching, start talking to people, go to car lots and look at them. Look up what you want in a car including color, 4 wheel drive, interior space, a DVD player, whatever. Prioritize your list so that you know what you must have, what you would like to have and what doesn’t really matter to you if you have it or not.

If you go to a car dealership, be prepared to walk out if you don’t get what you want. You have the leverage. This is one of the best pieces of advice I ever received about buying a car from a dealer. Once you walk out of a dealership, you will feel ultimately in control of your purchase.

 wife’s car

Price – This sounds as if it would be an easy thing, but not necessarily so, especially in a dealership. With an individual, haggling is much simpler and more straightforward. With a dealership, it becomes a little more complicated in terms of length of contract and any additional items, such as warranties. I usually buy warranties because I believe they pay for themselves in the long run. But, it’s a gamble. If you’re not comfortable with them, then don’t it.

Know your price, including and especially monthly payments for obvious reasons. Car salespeople are notorious for “bumping” customers up to the next most expensive car. If you know what you’re looking for and how much you’re willing to spend, that technique may not work.

One place the Internet does come in handy is price. You can see what other cars are selling for in your make and model that you’re researching. Knowledge is potential power. This includes trade-ins, which is another reason to consider a dealership vs. selling a car on your own.

I bought a car last year and my wife bought one last month. I used these techniques to purchase the cars and we believe we got very good deals on both. On my car, I had a trade in and the dealership gave me a very generous trade in allowance.

On my wife’s car, well, it died and she needed one right away. We only had a couple of days to secure one. Both she and I had already begun researching, so we were prepared for our search. Fortunately, we had a friend who had also purchased a car from the dealership we went to and gave it a good recommendation. We found the car she wanted and got a good deal.

Of course, these may not be the only steps you want or need.  Some other steps may include: pre-approval for loans, test drives or a new vs. a used car decision.  Those are important, too, but I used my three steps as the primary ones.

Finally, people are always talking about the best this or best that, or in this case, the best car. I believe it is all up to you. You have to live with your decision. I don’t believe in best anything, except the best car for you. I’ve had people tell me they are not happy with their very expensive car while their son was extremely happy with his much lower priced car which had fewer, and cheaper, repairs.

Do your research. Take your time. Know your price. With these three simple steps, I believe you will find the car that you can live with.  I have.

Check out this link for info on car seats: Cars.com Car Seat Check

Every year brings something different. Ok, every moment with kids, but especially every moment and every school year, just like another mountain to climb.

First Grade was the beginning of the regimented school system. Nothing wrong with that. We weren’t sure how Archibald and Mortimer (not their real names) were going to handle and deal with the structure. But, they came through it unscathed. It was in 1^st Grade that Archie was diagnosed with a learning disability. It became prevalent throughout the year and by the end of the year, he was officially diagnosed.

Sergeant Major Mommy (not her real name, either!) and I wanted to get the little buggers into more extracurricular activities in 2^nd Grade, so we signed them up for Tae Kwon Do. Morty got into it more than Archie who literally went through the motions, but didn’t have the commitment needed to really progress. Nevertheless, they did get to their Green Belts by the end of the year.

TKD also brought enormous difficulty for SMM and Daddy to get them to their practices two or three times a week. Somehow, we did it. Somehow, we managed to pay for it too.

We knew we had to work extra hard for Archie’s reading ability and somehow, we aided him in that. He did not reach his grade level, but he did progress and did not fall behind any further.

Morty’s reading took off. He found something he liked and pursued it like a bulldog, reading everything he could get his hands on. He loves science fiction-fantasy-adventure.

3^rd Grade was different, too. Daddy bought a new car and TKD had to go cause we couldn’t afford both. The boys didn’t seem to miss it though.

Archie continued to make slow, but steady, progress in his reading. Morty sustained his passion for reading, but his writing and math were not keeping up. Archie is better at math than Morty, which is really interesting. His learning disability seems to be focused just on reading.

The little buggers also began to show more signs of independence wanting to do more things around the house on their own, like preparing their breakfast, choosing their clothes for school, etc. Plus, they have been enrolled in swim lessons at the YMCA on Sundays.

One of their proudest moments was when they were tested for swimming at their summer camp and they passed, allowing them to go into the deep end. It was one of my proudest moments, too. Funny how those things work out sometimes.

4^th Grade is here and the boys are continually changing. Their independence is growing further. We don’t think that’s a bad thing, but we do have to monitor them on some things, especially Archie, on pouring his own milk and putting toothpaste on his toothbrush. Sometimes, he overdoes it a little.

As parents, we feel our job is to foster their independence, but still provide structure and support for their needs.

Their relationship with each other is also progressing, such as it is. As twins, they’ve had this “love-hate” relationship their whole lives. One moment they will be fighting and the next, literally, the next moment, they are best friends.

But now, they are also getting more competitive and trying to out-do each other. That is not necessarily a bad thing, except when their disagreements get physical. They’ve always wrestled with each other, but now they are bigger and stronger and we must keep them apart for their own safety. I have been trying to teach them about settling their differences peacefully, but I get the feeling it goes in one ear and out the proverbial other.

This year they have also started music lessons at school. Archie chose the trumpet (shoot me now) and Morty chose the kid’s version of the cello, which looks a lot like a small violin. Morty came home from school the other day and almost immediately got his violin out and started practicing what he had learned that day. Archie seems excited about his trumpet, but he has a habit of not sticking with anything that requires a constant commitment, ala TKD above. Time will tell.

SMM and moi, numero uno, the big cheese, Top Dog, DaddyisBest (sometimes) are constantly assessing our parenting needs and skills.   We do the best we can given the resources we have available, time, energy and money. Mommy is sometimes pressured by her job to do and give more and sometimes has to do work at home to prepare for upcoming events at work.

I have started a new job with a new company in a new industry and while the work is manual and physically demanding, it is not very intellectually stimulating. But, I gotta do what I gotta do to bring money in.

I feel I have grown as a Daddy. It is not necessarily something that came easily to me. As I have gotten older, my energy and body are not what they used to be. And neither is my patience, unfortunately. But, I’m working on it. I try not to get upset with the boys when all they want to do is play, except when they have to get ready to go somewhere, like school.

They ask me why I yell and I say it’s because they don’t listen. It’s a vicious cycle. I don’t yell at them like a marine drill sergeant, but loud enough to get their attention. (For the record, SMM has been known to yell, too). I tell them that and, again, it’s hard to tell what they retain or understand and what flows through their ear accounts. I have also seen other parents yell at their kids and think, I am nowhere near that level. It’s been a real learning experience to see how they perceive me vs. how I perceive myself. I can only hope their memoirs will picture me kindly.

I have grown as a person, too. My writing has changed as the little buggers and parenting has changed. My focus on just telling stories or amusing anecdotes of their antics is not as significant as it was when they were younger and everything was new to them and to me. As I’ve grown, I realize more and more the best thing I can do for them is provide the role model of how adults should act. I’m sorry, did I just say that?

It’s not about how adults “should” act. It’s how I can be the best me I can be and hopefully, something will stick somewhere between their ear passageways.

Getting to a mountaintop is not the end. It just provides us with the opportunity to see other mountaintops to climb, explore and conquer. Each grade, each step, each moment is just another mountaintop.